Radical theft-robber-theif!!!!!!

I ran into a toothpick salesman from Mars, and ended up buying nine sets of Frisbee polish from him. He was very gracious and told me he had never had a customer before. Then he was really worried and started worrying. I told him not to worry and then he stopped worrying. I bid him good fortune, and he gave me a sack of radish-flavored gum. He was too overcome for words so he went down on his head and performed a handstand, doing a neat front flip, flying onto a trapeze bar and falling with a crash onto a trampoline with which he sprung off of and ending with forty-seven back flips balancing onto his nose . Out of that simple gesture I could tell he was deeply grateful for all I had done to help him. I gave him a tissue, but he shoved it back and I understood. If I showed him another gesture of gratitude he would have to do another simple gesture. I said goodbye to him and he ran off leaving something behind. It didn't take a genius to find out who he was once I had seen the duck suit from within.
Fungus O'mallon had escaped once again.

En Vacance

Yeah, so I went to this ice cream parlor, and they asked me, "so, do you want any more icecream". And I said "No". Then, this one guy from Toulouse comes in and says "Where did my pliers go", and then the ice cream guys dump over my table and my ice cream left. I am mad now. So then I asked, "Well, sir could I have another ice cream, sir". And then he screamed "I will polish them, you ninny". I left after that, actually I was forced to because the ice cream guy shoved a corn cobb stand in my face, looking for the pliers.

Moral of the story: Don't plant carrots in summer, they will turn stewy.